I recently received a letter from a student, Michael, who is having a challenge when it comes to kissing his wife. When he “makes his move”, she rejects him… she pulls away.
Michael said that when his wife rejects his kisses, it feels like there’s an elephant on top of his chest. He describes his feelings of shame as turbulence — like he’s on an airplane and the airplane turbulence is shaking him apart. When your partner doesn’t want to make out, you can feel an overwhelming sensation arise inside your body. There’s a strong sense of being disconnected, cut off, alone.
Fortunately, I have good news for Michael and for you. In this article we’ll discover the 3 reasons she doesn’t want to kiss you, what to do when she resists and the best kissing moments. After all, hot kissing is the foundation of a deeply intimate connection.
Why Your Wife Still Wants to Kiss You
Even though your partner is the one avoiding you, she is also feeling the same disconnection you are. Why? Because every human desires the bond of coupling. Your efforts to get her back in your arms will not only help her feel connected to you, you’ll increase her happiness and longevity too! How? Kissing, hugging and holding each other naturally releases the “Love Chemicals” (hormones) that bond us together and make us feel whole and happy.
If your lady no longer wants you to kiss her, there is something you can do to recreate that magical moment you once had together.
Kissing is the most personal form of intimacy, even more intimate for many women than lovemaking. Her face is her most personal and private space. What happens when she won’t let you near her?
There are a few reasons why she might be resisting you and though these next few words may be hard to read, if you can’t stay strong when faced with a challenge you will struggle to fix your existing problems. So hang in as I explain what happened
and how you can get your lady back in your arms, lip-locked in love with you.
As I give you the reasons why your wife may have lost interest in kissing you, please understand that you won’t know HER reasons unless you ask her and she may not tell you the truth for fear of hurting your feelings. In addition, if you make guesses, they are likely to be incorrect, because you have to both ask her and allow her to space and support to be honest with you or she won’t tell you her “whole truth.”
The 3 Reasons She Doesn’t Want To Kiss You
The three most common reasons a woman won’t kiss her man anymore are:
1. She doesn’t want to kiss you because you are not meeting her needs in the context of your whole relationship.
2. She doesn’t like the way you kiss her.
3. She doesn’t want to kiss you because she doesn’t want the kissing to escalate into more intimacy.
All three of these reasons can be overcome if you know what to do.
If you are not meeting her needs, you can explore your Relationship Values™. Having this conversation will help you find out what she is not getting from your relationship and what she needs to want you more intimately. Sometimes these are very minor adjustments and once you go through the simple process of determining her Relationship Values™ (and yours), you can see immediate, positive changes in your entire relationship that can open the doors to a new level of intimacy together!
You can become the man she wants to kiss again.
Here’s a crucial point to remember: Most women LOVE to be kissed and they WANT to be kissed by a man that they desire.
She has to respect you as her man to desire you for kissing. If she doesn’t like the way you kiss her, here is some very specific things you should try
to help you give it to her the way she likes. Do that, and you’ll light her on fire for your kisses again! If you do a little fact-finding with her, you will get some ideas for escalating from pecks on the cheek to deep, delicious tongue thrusting that gets you both fired up for more. The same holds true for her fear of escalating to more than kissing as the reason she resists. She’s holding back and there’s a reason. You can find out what your lady’s emotional resistance issues are before trying to kiss her.
What To Do When She Resists
We often have immediate responses that seem to pop out of our mouths: “I don’t want to!” “No, you can’t!” “It’s too much!”
Sometimes these are the voices of wisdom, other times they are abrupt knee-jerk reactions that come from old conditioning in the limbic system of the brain. They often shut people out, create distance, and keep us at a superficial level of awareness.
If we take a thought and follow it deeper and deeper, we often find the heart of our feelings and get down to the real issues.
Does This Happen In Your Bedroom?
Sharon told Ted frequently that she’d enjoy making love… but it she always pushed him off to “sometime later.” Then when night time rolled around, she didn’t seem to be in the mood. Ted would give her a neck rub but they’d end up watching TV or reading before turning out the lights.
He didn’t understand why she’d say one thing and do another. She’d say she wanted him, but she’d go to sleep.
From Sharon’s perspective, she didn’t understand why Ted wouldn’t go beyond a neck rub and most nights she’d go to sleep wishing there was more. She was just waiting for Ted to ask.
But Ted never asked. Instead, he began to feel like Sharon wasn’t “good on her word.”
Trust eroded and they slipped further apart.
What Ted didn’t know was that Sharon desperately wanted
to be intimate with him, but even telling him during the day that she desired him went against all her cultural programming about being a “good girl.”
She needed Ted to initiate, to move her from neutral to turned on, so she could relax and enjoy closeness with him. It didn’t feel right to her to both tell him she desired him AND initiate.
So night after night, they left opportunity on the table that could have resulted in passion and pleasure.
If they had followed their thoughts to the core, had the courage to ask and speak from “vulnerability,” their intimacy would have increased.
What To Ask Your Wife (About Kissing)
- State your love for her.
- State your desire to have a delightful intimate life with her.
- Tell her you desire to kiss her.
- Ask her what her beliefs and fears are about kissing you and why she no longer wants to.
- Ask her to be specific.
Tell her you promise not to take it personally. (Remember, she might feel that way in general, it is not ALL ABOUT YOU, it’s about her experiences, beliefs and fears.) Be a man and handle the information without taking it personally, or she won’t trust that she can tell you her truth and you will shut her down……………
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